smile beautiful, you deserve to.

I’m feeling really low and I need to get all this shit out of my system. I hate hate hate myself so much, probably more than ever right now. I get so much shit about me being ugly, don’t you think I know that by now? I know I’m not beautiful, or thin or perfect, I wish I was. I used to slit my wrists all the time, I stopped that now which I’m proud of. I still do want to kill myself sometimes, but then I realise that I have so much to live for; my family, my gorgeous little cousins who I want to see grow up, my real friends who are always there for me no matter what, my future, what lies ahead, my children, my career.. there’s so much ahead of me and that’s what keeps me going. I never tell any body anything about myself because I don’t want to seem attention seeking. I have real bad stress problems and depression which is why I am low almost all the time, I do smile and I am happy sometimes, but honestly, I think that I’m just so used to the pain I just assume I’m happy when I’m not upset. I wish I was confident and that’s why I want to find someone, I want someone to make me feel that confidence, and to make me feel special, beautiful and like no body else in the world matters. I have constant mental breakdowns which I hate, over silly things sometimes too. I say that I don’t care what people think about me, but when I receive negative comments I get really low, I do care. I used to get bulled when I was younger, although I was friends with basically everyone I still got called names, I still do and that’s what really knocks someone’s confidence, that is the main reason why I hate myself so much to this day, because of my past. Sorry to bore anyone who took the time to read this, I just needed to let my emotions out some where.